Only a mothe r could love this liver
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
