just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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