You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
