your parents love me but you hate me
I look better un-naked...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
