Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
can u get pink eye on your cock?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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