We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
