I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
