k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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