I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
