I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
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