I wish you could order shots online.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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