Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
