Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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