Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
