I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
