So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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