I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
