Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize