i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
