Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Randomize
