Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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