i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
