i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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