you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
