it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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