She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
