i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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