I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
