I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
