Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
