I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
