; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
