Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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