And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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