i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
