cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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