i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
