her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
