Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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