I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
