I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
