Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
