The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
