I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
