It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize