he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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