Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
