You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
