i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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