i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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