Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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