the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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