So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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