Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
