I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
