i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
