How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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