like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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