Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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