i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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