we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
