She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
