I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
