He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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