I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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