I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
