Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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