Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You did what with his pubic hair?
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