I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
