hotel room ftw
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
