I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
