The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
