They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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