If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
