My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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