he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
