so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
