I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
