I smell stomach acid.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
