did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
