i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
